It’s raining out there... Just like it is in my heart. I realized that I can’t handle heavy stressed. I feel so screwed up lately. And what more I din make it in my Organizational Behaviour. I’m depressed. But what can I do to make it better. I try to find time to study but I ended up doing my work stuff. I’m overloaded with work. My brain couldn’t take it anymore. I resort to smoke heavily recently. For the past 3 days, I’ve been smoking like 5 sticks a day? I’m having second thoughts about this job. Is this what I really want? My first operation job may be my last. I’m just de-orientated. My exec said welcome to the real world. Yeah, I’m still living in a world of my own. I just want to let go of everything and go into isolation. I’m at my peak. I can’t take it anymore….

Some people always reminded me that I should treat people the way I want to be treated. Okok, I admit I’m too fierce at times but have you ever wonder why? Life is full of perception and assumptions. I admit due to the pressure, I’m becoming more task orientated rather than service orientated. I even forget how to smile. But if people are so sensible and responsible for their action, we will not be in this crisis. Some people are just too cool to care. And some people urge me to see the sense of urgency. You think I’m not thinking about it? I’m still learning the rope manz; give me time to settle down. You just push me to my max; I’ll just commit suicide for you to see. I may be laughing and laughing and you may think I’m still in a world of my own. I’m just hiding all my worries and there are times I really want to breakdown. The tears you saw are only one percent of what I’m shedding at home. There is only God who comforts me.

Irin is pondering hard. Should she stay or go? Working in Sentosa has been a tremendous experience for her. Beach station has lost its glory. So is Irin. Working so hard yet not many people appreciate her. All they think is a discipline mistress in action. Is that her strength or her weakness? I let you decide…
I heard he has found a girlfriend. It’s just weeks of our break up. I feel sour though. But what can I do. I choose to break up with him. I choose to suffer alone. I can’t stand that he is so far away from me. God, can you send someone nearer? I’m not asking much…Just someone who can make me laugh, near my sight and most importantly, able to worship you. I’m not going for looks anymore. I just want a man of her sake. Age doesn’t matter and if it matters, matters do age then.

I put my trust in you Lord.

That you will send me a man who will be my light in my darkest hour, holding my hand and leading my path. I promise I will put my heart and be a one man woman. I will not flirt anymore…No more.